Living with Paradox

After our group pilgrimage to Nether Springs in Northumbria, UK last June, I decided to become a Novice Companion of the Community. As such, I must study the Rule through a series of modules. When I have finished, I can then decide along with the seniors of the Community if Companionship is right for me. I thought I'd share my response to the first module here on my blog.

My heart response to Module One is a rather bemused pondering of just how pervasive paradox is in my life for I have lived with paradox for most of my 56 years. For example, for over ten years, from 1986-1997, I participated in Kairos Ministry, an ecumenical prison weekend, and now I go to visit my incarcerated son once a month while he serves a ten year sentence in the same system that I once ministered in. Each and everyday I go to a job where I stand in front of young people and present lessons from literature while I am very much the introvert and ever so much more comfortable with the contemplative life of the monastery. I am married, yet, I find myself gravitating to community life beyond the home my husband and I have built together, and as a result have been associated with several monastic houses over the years.


Other paradoxes abound, but they all seem to be a part of the ordinariness of my life. Marsha Sinetar’s book, Ordinary People as Monks and Mystics seems to speak clearly here –paradox is nothing special, and yet, it is very special. The questions are alive in the tension created by paradox, and that encourages me greatly. Instead of fixed dogma, there is fluidity and flexibility. Thus, the image of tide in/tide out is very appealing as well as challenging. I realize I will have to work more on the tide out part of my life. I have realized that for some years now since I have focused on developing my spirituality through the training I received as an anamcara. Other than work, I have my volunteering in a network that serves homeless people, and sometimes I am able to help out at an after-school program for underprivileged children by tutoring and serving the evening meal. I am often weary after a day serving and loving the seventy-five students God has given me this term and being a mentor and collaborator with the colleagues I see each day. And yet, God calls us to do what we can to carry the Gospel into the world.

At home, my husband and I live fairly simply, but we each try to support each other both emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I am a good listener. He does a lot of the chores around the house. There, too, is paradox, for we don’t always fill the “expected” roles of husband and wife. For example, I handle the finances and he cleans the kitchen. Our life is based on mutual respect and a deep love for the other. We are accountable to one another in our life together. Our home is also open to others, especially once a month when we are joined by friends for house church. We say Celtic Evening Prayer, have a “pot luck” meal and conversation, then join together for Compline. This time is part of our mission, and I believe the next step is to open the doors of our home to other in our immediate neighborhood.

Since I am just beginning to explore my relationship with the Northumbria Community, I think I can say the biggest paradox may be in the concept of dispersed community. Nether Springs is a great many miles from Greer, South Carolina, USA, yet, it is in my heart. While there in June, every step that I walked around Acton Home Farm made an imprint on my soul. The prayer is what sustains me. To know we all stop and do the Office everyday and that we use the same prayer guide is so “satisfying” and yet there is the longing to set foot on the property again—a longing as strong as the tide that is pulled in and out by natural forces around Holy Island twice a day. For now, living with paradox is good.